Scientists Discover 'Totally Harmless' Microbes on Mars

Sun, 08 Feb 2026 00:36:13 +0000

Scientists Discover ‘Totally Harmless’ Microbes on Mars

軍事予算が奇跡的に三倍に増加

The Mars Colonial Research Station announced yesterday they’ve discovered microscopic life in the planet’s subsurface ice—adorable little microbes that are “absolutely, positively no threat to human civilization whatsoever.”

Dr. Patricia Yamamoto, lead xenobiologist, emphasized during her press conference: “These organisms are completely benign. Harmless. Nothing to worry about. Just friendly neighborhood bacteria doing bacteria things.”

She said this seventeen times in a twenty-minute briefing.

Xenobiology on Cassette Future Magazine

Scientists Discover 'Totally Harmless' Microbes on Mars

Scientists Discover ‘Totally Harmless’ Microbes on Mars